Self Preservation
by bailey1ak
Summary: Ronon/Keller One-shot playing with one possible reason why nothing came of their almost-kiss during quarantine.


_**A/N: **__So this one-shot is because I miss Ronon and Keller and haven't written them for a while. Inspired by a deleted scene in Trio where Jennifer is telling Carter that there was a moment with someone on Atlantis, but nothing came of it. This is just me playing with that thought__** and **__fixing it of course. _

_No beta on this one, so all mistakes are mine, sorry._

_I've been holding onto this for about a week hoping my traffic stats would start working again, but I found that the longer I wait the less I like this one-shot so I decided I'd better put it on despite no traffic stats._

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or its wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Little bits of the episodes Runner, Reunion, Trio and of course Quarantine. Set two months after Quarantine, yet before Trio.

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**Self-Preservation**

Ronon rose from his spot in front of the campfire and walked around until he was facing not only the fire, but had a clear view of the lake a hundred yards beyond. It was a warm night and the fire wasn't necessary for warmth, but had been used for cooking their meal and now for comfort and light as night had firmly set in.

Ronon shifted a few inches to the left from where he was sitting and liking the view kicked his feet out in front of him and crossed his ankles. Rodney and Sheppard were still visiting as Teyla rose from his side.

"I believe I will call it a night. Good night gentlemen," she said in parting as she stepped over the log she'd been sitting on. She laid a hand on Ronon's shoulder as she passed him and he placed his hand over hers in an answering gesture.

Ronon listened to his team mates call out their good night to her as she made her way to the tent she'd be sharing with Dr. Keller. It'd been a very peaceful day spent with Teyla's people. The men had helped around the settlement during the day while Teyla caught up with her people. Doc had spent her time in a clinic, and with not many needing assistance, he'd seen her teaching some first aid to a few of the Athosians toward late afternoon.

The number of children who'd come by to see the Doc had encompassed almost all of the kids in the settlement. Ronon figured part of that was due to the sucker she'd handed to each after their quick physical, but part of it was just her way with children.

Ronon looked past the fire to the lake assuring himself that the young doctor was still within view. Shortly after eating she'd excused herself and walked down to the lake. He'd observed her stand and stare for quite some time before sitting with her back against a boulder. He didn't like that it took her out of view except for the bottom half of her legs and feet, but she adjusted her sitting from time to time and so he knew she was still awake and that no harm had come to her.

She'd been quieter for most of the evening and although he wanted to give her whatever privacy she needed, he was beginning to feel concerned as well. He wasn't going to give her much longer to come back before he'd go down and verbally check on her. Maybe suggest she get some sleep even.

Movement to his right caught his attention as Rodney stood.

"You know," McKay began to complain, "we all have perfectly good beds just beyond the Stargate… and good lighting, and hot coffee… and did I mention my good mattress?" He stepped over the log he'd been seated on and began to walk around the campfire toward Ronon and the tents beyond. "I don't like camping, I don't see why we can't just go home for bed."

Sheppard knew he wasn't asking, but answered him anyway. "We all agreed it'd be nice to get away for awhile. No one's calling us to the control room for problems they can handle. No one's asking us for advice on matters we don't care about. It's peaceful and fun and for you… I guess it'll make you appreciate your bed even more."

"I don't need to spend the night in a tent to do that," the scientist grumbled before entering his tent.

Sheppard grinned at Ronon, "He's just been a bundle of joy since Katie left. I don't miss him asking for relationship advice and wanting to share with me like we were girlfriends, but I almost wish for Rodney to be back in a relationship." Sheppard winced at his own admission as he poked at the fire for a few minutes. "Guess I'll call it a night too. Those kids will probably be bugging us early enough in the morning wanting to play games before we leave."

Ronon knew Sheppard enjoyed the kids, despite the complaining and would probably be up waiting for them in the morning. He'd brought several footballs and things for the children to play with and had demonstrated how to use them until parents had finally called their kids to bed.

Sheppard made eye contact with Ronon and nodded his head toward the lake.

"Yeah, I got it," the Satedan assured John.

"Then I'm off. You kids don't stay up too late," he sarcastically delivered as he walked past Ronon and into his tent.

Ronon waited for a few minutes to assure himself that his team mates were settled before standing and stretching. He gave the fire a quick check to be sure it was burning down properly and wouldn't cause any problems. Stepping over the logs positioned as seats he walked down the path to the lake and stood looking out over the dark, calm. Out of his peripheral vision he could see Jennifer just a few feet to his right sitting against the boulder.

Rather than waiting to see if she'd acknowledge his presence he spoke up. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good, just thinking," Jennifer replied wondering how long she'd been away if they'd sent someone to check on her. "You draw the short stick?" she teased, hoping to alleviate some of the tension. She and Ronon had gained a new understanding and comfort around each other during the quarantine two months back. Unfortunately they'd seemed to have lost it almost as quickly in the days that followed.

"Just making sure you're okay," he replied. Ronon heard the slight defensiveness in his own voice and wanted to kick himself for it. "You need to talk?" he asked trying to convey the friendliness he was striving for.

"I'm fine Ronon, you don't need to…" Jennifer started.

"I want to," he interrupted her, not wanting her to think he felt he had to offer.

Jennifer hesitated for a minute, but then patted a spot next to her on the ground in front of the boulder.

He sat down and got comfortable near her, spreading his long legs out in front of him. It was very peaceful in front of the lake and he could understand her reluctance to move away from this spot.

"Are you sad?" the warrior asked, a little uncomfortable with this type of conversation, but striving to be a friend she could talk to.

"Today just reminded me of my life back on Earth… the memories were bombarding me and I wanted to be alone to indulge myself for a while." It really wasn't a sad thing for her. She used to camp with her dad. Campfires and lakes… it's what summers in Wisconsin had been about for her and her father. They were actually happy memories, but daydreaming in front of Sheppard and the gang gathered around the fire made her feel silly… time must have gotten away from her though.

"You miss it?" Ronon asked, but felt like it was a rhetorical question. Of course she did. Didn't everyone miss home and family?

"Maybe a little, but more than anything its just fun sometimes to lose myself in memories…" Jennifer just let the thought hang for a moment. "Kind of like childhood, you can miss it, the innocence of it… maybe even long for it, but you can never recapture it. Don't think I'd want to if I could." Jennifer scooted a little closer to him and laid her head against his shoulder. The conversation felt a little odd to be having with Ronon, but it was a nice night and he was making the effort. She was grateful for that and maybe a little tired. She allowed the quiet to take over for a moment, comfortable with the silence. This little getaway had been good. She was glad she'd said yes when Teyla had asked her to come. Jenn adjusted her head to a more comfortable position against him when déjà vu hit her and she sprang away from Ronon.

"What?" the Satedan asked quickly, his senses on high alert, but not coming up with any threats. Without getting up he'd moved his body slightly, positioning her body effectively between himself and the boulder.

The doctor reached her hand out and laid it on his back, "Nothing…sorry," she mumbled, embarrassed that her reaction had been so spastic. She'd often longed for a moment similar with Ronon, sharing quietly or just being in his presence… content. Jennifer had always assumed that the lock-down had been an extenuating experience since their relationship had taken the proverbial one step forward during the quarantine, but two steps back when they'd been forced back to reality. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"I'm good," he assured her, missing her contact. He probably should keep his distance as he'd been doing, but for just tonight he wanted to indulge his own memories. He resettled himself against the boulder before looking at her again. "Come back," he softly commanded, patting the side of his shoulder.

"Thanks Ronon, but I don't think…" she began to protest, but he stopped her with a firm pat to his shoulder again. Jennifer slid a bit closer and leaned on him again, against her better judgment. There was plenty of time later to reign in her heart and thoughts.

Minutes slipped by unnoticed as Jennifer remembered the moment similar to this one in the infirmary. Even after the quarantine they'd been closer and a little awkward around each other, but in the unsure way relationships take when things are new. She'd had to make a trip through the gate to the SGC for some meetings a few days after the lock-down. When she'd returned it felt like whatever they'd been moving toward before her trip had disappeared - like the remnants of a dream in the morning. Not wanting to feel foolish she'd let it go, figuring it was what he wanted, but unsure why.

The longer they sat against the boulder though, the more her mind dwelled _on_ the why and she suddenly wanted an answer.

"Ronon," she called, breaking the silence, "why? Why did we go from being closer to something… a change in our friendship, to… to not?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

He'd battled with that very thought many times over the last two months. Most times Ronon could rationalize his actions as self-preservation. He'd done it for seven years on the run and couldn't help it. But other times he'd called himself a coward. Her question tonight though caused a stirring in his heart and mind he didn't want to ignore any longer.

"I watched you walk through the gate back to your world," he stated. He wanted to say more, but wasn't sure how. It sounded rather presumptuous when he tried to put it into words.

"Only for a couple days, why would that matter?" Jenn asked, dreading the answer that swirled in her head. While she was away he'd had time to rethink the idea of a deeper relationship with her? Gained a little perspective maybe?

"Figured it was just a matter of time," Ronon replied, "some day in the future…" he trailed off, hating how needy that sounded. Words were just not his thing, so he tried another approach, encouraged a little since she hadn't moved away from him yet.

"When I first came to Atlantis Dr. Weir dialed Sateda and I was ready to walk through the gate home to help my people in any way I could, to rebuild... to be there to protect them."

Jennifer could hear the quality in his voice as he paused that told her he was thinking of what he'd seen and learned when the MALP sent back pictures of his home world.

"When we found Tyre and my fellow Satedans I packed my things and went to join them and kill Wraith. It was hard to admit Atlantis was my home, but ultimately… the Pegasus is home. "

Jennifer heard the hurt still there from his friend's betrayal. She brought her right arm up and lightly gripped his upper arm just below where her head still laid against his shoulder, offering him what comfort she could. As they lapsed back into silence she came to the conclusion he was done with his explanation. She mulled back over the few sentences he'd said. A few moments later she sprang away from him again at her realization.

"You think I'm going to leave," she stated in anger. She was now facing him on her knees and the compulsion to strike out at him overwhelmed her. She punched him hard in the arm and felt a bit triumphant at his look of shock. "How dare you…" she angrily sputtered.

"Jennifer," Ronon interrupted, trying to calm her down.

"No, you listen here. I _chose_ to come here." Jenn knew she was in full rant mode now, but didn't care. "Sure, I might miss take out pizza and channel surfing late at night, but I have no desire to go back there. This is my home for as long as I can stay here. Atlantis has spoiled me. There is no way I'd be content to go back, find a job at a hospital as a surgeon and live there. _This_ is me now," she said slapping her own chest with an open palm. "I can only hope to stay here always… to make a difference to those struggling to survive here. The few trips back to Earth I take each year only enforce that resolve."

Now she could feel her emotions bringing on the tears and it made her all the more mad. She hated, that when she got fired up like this, her anger could make her cry, it made her feel like a girlie whimp. She looked away, biting her lip in hopes of staving off the tears.

"In the end, the Milky Way is your home," he quietly stated. Ronon was sure that statement was true in his head, but his heart was asking her for clarification.

"It is where I'm from, not my home," she stated with conviction. "My home is my crew quarters on Atlantis." Jennifer saw a small smile flit across his face and then it was gone.

Ronon cleared his throat, "My home is my crew quarters on Atlantis as well," he stated seriously.

Jennifer couldn't help herself now that the tension had dissipated a little. "So, we're neighbors," she lightly teased. She saw the small smile reappear on his face and she felt her body relax further.

"I'm sorry… can we start over?" his voice rumbled. He was thankful she wasn't stewing in her anger, but instead letting it go quickly.

Jennifer nodded her head, a little embarrassed for blowing up.

He leaned back against the boulder, "Come back," he softly commanded, patting the side of his shoulder like he had earlier.

She smiled sheepishly at him, "Sorry for the outburst?" Jenn moved back to his side and snuggled up against his shoulder.

"It was needed," he dismissed. He sat for a moment in silence and allowed the idea of her choosing to not leave sink in. He might not have had a choice in making Atlantis his home, but he'd never allowed himself to consider this was her home also… despite having the choice.

Having Jennifer so near overwhelmed his senses swiftly, just as it had while locked up back in the infirmary. Unable to stop himself, he leaned slightly toward her to capture her sugary scent… content to just breathe her in for several minutes.

Jennifer's fidgeting caught his attention and he nudged her slightly with the shoulder she was leaning against to get her attention.

Jenn looked up at him and the feeling of déjà vu returned with a vengeance. She smiled up at him as he leaned down slowly until his lips captured hers. The thrill that zinged though her body stole her breath, but also invoked her smile as she kissed him back and damned Zelenka in her mind again for his timing months earlier.

Ronon pulled back far enough to see her face and the emotions that lay there. He reached for her and pulled her across his lap. "I should've done this back then," he stated, letting his actions convey his purposeful intention to move this relationship forward. Ronon moved a hand to the back of her head and pulled her in close for his kiss, not giving her the chance to comment.

Jennifer relished the possessiveness of the move and met his kiss with the same passion he was giving. As the kiss came to a close Jennifer pulled back and couldn't keep the happy grin from her face. She rearranged her body so she was straddling his lap and peppered a few kisses across his face. "And I should've done this back then," she mimicked, her hands upon his shoulders. She could feel the chuckle rumbling in his chest and it egged her on. "So I guess we know what to do next time," she laughed between the kisses she was still littering across his face.

Ronon tipped her gently to the side as he rolled her beneath him, "And the time after that," he agreed looking down at her with a wolfish grin.

"Definitely," she tried to mumble against the lips that were claiming hers.


End file.
